I can't decide yet whether this project is helping at all. I thought by now that I'd have a well defined list of criteria about what I wanted next in life. Then it would be a simple matter of me looking at my options, rating them against these priorities, and something would logically come to the top. And I thought I'd have tons of time to do this.
Today I interviewed for a very cool-sounding job. Again, with 24hrs notice. I'm hopeful that I've learned something over the past few months, since this time -- unlike last week -- I didn't freak out at all. I calmly called a couple people for help with preparation, and dusted off my suit, which I think I haven't worn in almost a year. It seemed like that approach worked. While I have no idea what they thought of me, I survived my 3 hours of interviewing with relatively little stress. And most importantly, I generally felt like myself.
The problem now is that I don't know what to do if I'm offered this position. I've gone from nothing, nothing, nothing to super quick turnaround, of maybe a few weeks. Perhaps I'm just flustered from the interview, but I'm having trouble weighing my (uncertain) options.
Maybe through all this self-discovery I forgot to work on specifics. Or maybe through all this exploration of uncertainty I will emerge with some sort of compass.
I've definitely had problems trusting that everything will be ok. For now I'm off to a gathering of friends, so hopefully that will offer some relief and a forum for debriefing.
Taking a deep breath,
Emma
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