Yesterday I was feeling pretty crummy. It wasn't just that something put me in a bad mood, but that I let that thing get to me. Now that my demeanour is dramatically improved, I can evaluate why I felt so crummy and how I could have improved my mood sooner.
I freaked out a bit yesterday about an interview process. I got a call in the morning asking to schedule a phone call with me for the next day, i.e. this morning. Sadly I didn't get to enjoy my free Monday, catching up on homework and relaxing. Instead, I spent the day preparing for this interview, being mad at the process, and worrying I would bomb the whole thing.
A large part of the reason I let this bug me all day is that I had unknowingly invested too much in this particular job. What ended up being a mere hiccup, only yesterday appeared as losing all hope in not just this opportunity, but everything else I had in mind. My logic isn't exactly reasonable here, but I think I told myself that because I don't have enough time to prepare for this, then I won't do well, and therefore I won't do well on anything else. This super hurtful association has got to go. I need to focus on taking little pieces at a time and putting on some blinders. I also need to spend more time discovering what I'm actually deeply emotionally invested in that I'm not aware about. Know of any techniques for that?
Another reason my bad mood persisted I think is because I was alone when this interview shock first occured yesterday. I've realised I've become incredibly sensitive to being around friends and people I can share stories (and complaints) with. I am so grateful to be surrounded by lots of great listeners who put up with me. If I don't have this immediate outlet, then I think I have difficulty processing adverse situations quickly. I need to learn some alternative techniques here. Maybe I should start meditation again? (Which I haven't done in a couple weeks....)
In the end, my friends and family who help me out were, of course, right. I was sweating bullets during the interview, but felt like myself and don't think I could have done any better with more preparation. If it doesn't work out, then I couldn't have expected any more from myself.
In other news, I need to start another weekly experiment. A friend of my roommate visiting today suggested I use clothing as personal art. Dress as though I were a canvas, and express my mood for the day. She maintained that it's a grounding experience. Considering my utter lack of fashion abilities, I'm a bit skeptical, and this should be pretty challenging. Hopefully I can have fun with it.
That's all for tonight, folks. I'm happy I'm back into my happy and non-crummy mood. Thanks for your help!
-Emma
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